Vision

One of the greatest parts of young homeownership was all the favors I owed my friends.   Talk about a great sense of community.  Can I borrow your chainsaw, do you know someone who does electrical work on the side—and the biggest IOU in all of young escrowhood—I’m moving, are you busy this weekend?

That’s what led me to a friend’s condo one fall Saturday, replete with donuts, coffee, and lukewarm pizza that had no toppings, because how can more than four people agree to what goes on pizza?  We came to reassembling the dining room table,  a circular top on a pedestal, top and bottom connected with four reallly long bolts, which went through four sets of realllly long holes— holes which, for reasons unknown to the three college graduate volunteer movers looking sheepish, weren’t lining up.

Minutes seemed like days, until a fifth college graduate—who taught design at a college—entered the dining room with a box of knickknacks (do young people have knickknacks anymore?). He set the box down and asked what the problem was.  After hearing us out, he gently offered:

“Turn the top around.”

With that, the heavens opened, the rule of the blue lines in hockey was clear, and the mystery of the pyramids was solved.  Yes, the top was circular, but that didn’t mean the holes in the base were symmetrical—even an inch off-center would, and did, make all the difference.  After the ritual was executed where humbled men swear and laugh at the same time, we turned the table around, and in thirty seconds, we rewarded ourselves with another slice of cold cheese pizza to celebrate our victory.

Humanity is a diverse lot, and thank goodness for that.  At the same time, we have common traits that get overlooked.  One is that we have all had moments like this, where we are convinced there is No. Possible. Answer, and something or someone comes along to say, generally in a thoughtful whisper, how about this?  The feeling that comes after that is too wonderful for words, a mix of delight, gratitude, humility, and a reminder that we should probably feel that feeling of humility more often.

The second common trait of humanity—and I love you madly as I write this—is that we completely forget this the next time we’re up against the seemingly impossible.  Instead of assuring ourselves an answer exists, or reminding ourselves of all the times we were stuck and found a way out, we wallow in the existentiality of it all.  Life is impossible, we are stupid, everyone else gets the breaks.  It’s almost like some kind of ritual; we’re convinced the easy answer will only come once we beat ourselves up first.

As an educator, I’ve spent my life convincing others that thought, not mental drubbing, is the key to a happy life. Try this the next time you’re stuck, and the freedom of other answers seems illusive:

• Ask yourself to describe what one has to do to plan a wedding
• Pause for a moment, then tell yourself, out loud, you need six phone calls and an hour:
  Call the officiant
  Call the wedding site
  Call the reception hall
  Call the band or DJ
  Call the florist
  Call the caterer
  Spend an hour sending e-invites to your guests

If you want to make it harder, that’s a choice—but at least now you realize there’s a choice.

Getting married is easy.  The situation in front of you might be, too.

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