Sisters

It would be easy to blame my behavior on the times I was raised in.  In an age replete with halter tops and miniskirts, it’s a little too easy to let fashion trends lead to wrong conclusions about who people really are.  And all that TV I watched didn’t help much either.  At the time, effective communication was based on the premise of taking societal stereotypes and exaggerating them to dramatic and humorous lengths.  When you’re a kid, the lessons of entertainment can plant seeds in the field of reality perception if you’re not careful.

Still, that’s no excuse.

I’m grateful to say I had some mitigating factors for all these influences.  My father was an amazing role model, treating the women in his life with nothing but respect.  Part of this had to do with Dad being a great guy.  Part of it had to do with the women he was around.  Even if he’d wanted to dismiss them as second-class citizens, they all would have told him exactly what to do with that perspective.  Happily, it never came to that.

As a flute player, I worked with many girls in bands and orchestras. I certainly remember moments of my trying to impose my musical will, but I remember those having more to do with my insecurities as a musician, and not because I was a guy.  I imagine you’d have to ask my musical colleagues for their insights on this to get the best story.

And I certainly got a sense of balance when I was the only guy on a “mixed” field hockey team.  Women’s athletics were just emerging into society’s good graces at the time, but that didn’t stop my teammates from leaving it all on the field.  Combine that with my status as a newcomer, and it was easy to let humility help me find my place on the team.

Still, I made mistakes.  Words I honestly didn’t know were misogynistic.  Phrases that made women in my life feel less than, that led to the loss of friendships, all because I didn’t know what I didn’t know—and since I realize that now, it suggests there are still other times I had no clue how offensive or hurtful I was being. 

As a modest offering of atonement, permit me to bring forth a favorite writing I find inspiring, not only when I think of women, but men as well.

“Shake thyself from the dust; arise, and sit down, O Jerusalem: loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion.”

I love what the author is saying to every woman—indeed, to all of us, but especially women, since, let’s face it, society has left them in the dust more often. Stand up to life. Stand up for life. Take every thought about things that suggest life is unkept— dirt, hate, fear, doubt, limits— and shake it away. 

Then, you can sit down, or surround yourself, in a mental place that is always new, pure, clean, soothing, joyous, and inspiring. Unkept thoughts are no longer banded on your neck. You are free to be all you have really ever been.

I’ve done my best to view women in this light ever since I came across this quote, yet even since, I have fallen short. For all of that, I would welcome the chance to talk with you if I’ve given you cause to doubt, provided that conversation would be of some help to you.

 I am sorry, my sisters.

All 4.13 billion of you.

Identity of She

Shakespeare’s.
The West Wing’s.
Even Oscar Wilde’s.
From start to finish
Theirs is the growth
The emergence
Starting moments rich in light
Then knowing more effulgence.

Potato peeling has its purpose.
As does
Silver polishing
Driving to dental appointments
And even the occasional
Yes dear.
But these are neuter manifestations
Once self is determined
Not detours designed to stifle.

Let it be so
Gentlemen.
You’d want nothing less
Than to reveal your inner
Fighter pilot
Mechanic
Business innovator.
Does limiting her
Really boost you?
Efforts to the contrary just reveal
Your slip
Is showing.

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