Vision

It was a voice as clear as any that had ever come out of nowhere to me.  We’d just met at a lunch table for camp counselors, where I was a substitute counselor.  A counselor I knew from the year before sat down, and introduced me to her colleague in the pre-school unit.

I have never in my life ever met anyone who had the prefect mix of warmth and focus she did.  Our group conversation was engaging, and surprisingly not superficial—I would soon learn, in no uncertain terms, she doesn’t do superficial.  They didn’t stay terribly long—the consequence of counseling the preschoolers is your lunch only starts once all the campers are down for nap, and stops when it’s time to relieve the counselor who started naptime.  We said goodbye, nice to meet you, and out they walked.

Lunchrooms aren’t quiet places when you work with children, since it’s your best shot at an adult conversation since 9 AM.  But the whole place seemed hushed to me.  Some kind of glow.  And then it came.

“Don’t waste your time, kid.  She’s way out of your league.”

I thought nothing of it until later (or a few days later) when camp was closing up for the day.  All the counselors sat on the lawn until the busses left with happy campers.  I walked towards the green, and there she was, knees up, head looking towards the sky.

And an encore from the voice.

“Anyone that calm has to be married, with three kids and a station wagon.  Give it up.”

I was still young and stubborn enough to believe that one warning was enough to make me not do something, but two warnings were more of a dare.  We’ll see, I told the voice, and went on with my life.

She came to my college graduation party,  and had a job at the school where I found work as a permanent sub.  When the time was right, I decided her coming solo to the party was enough of a sign that maybe, just maybe, her settled life was a testimony to commitment to herself, not to someone else.

Our first few dates were fine, and infrequent.  I graduated from college with two degrees at 19, but the rest of my life wasn’t nearly that advanced.  That required some time to grow up, and I’d already discovered how unfair it is to try and do that while in a relationship.

Still, somehow, things progressed.  The turning point was the night before Thanksgiving, when I invited her over for dinner.  I, um, made spaghetti with Ragu sauce, and we sat on the floor of my sparsely furnished apartment, eating by candlelight, and dancing after that.  We went to the Thanksgiving parade the next day, an event that somehow brought us closer together.  Thanksgiving was front and center at her parent’s house for dinner that summer, when her mother made turkey with all the trimmings.  Mom later said she did that to thank God she finally brought someone home.

I asked her once what made her say yes to a date, especially since the first one was bowling on a Saturday morning, me in my gingham-checked Gap shirt.  I saw something in you, she said.

For me, I didn’t see it as much as hear it.  Good thing I didn’t pay attention.

Commitment

It’s less about feeling
Like a different person
And more about
Emergence
Of being there for them
No matter what.
Til then, love your dates
But don’t confuse
Being a good boyfriend
With the desire for husbanding.
Loving to take that on
Is the must.

Like what you see? Subscribe for free!